Joke Thread

Honest Johns

  • July 15, 2018, 10:52:00 PM
  • Welcome, Guest
Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Pages: 1 2 [3] 4 5 ... 22   Go Down

Author Topic: Joke Thread  (Read 32829 times)

Aurian

  • The Awesome
  • Moderator
  • *
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 1.544
  • arg.
Joke Thread
« Reply #40 on: August 16, 2004, 09:17:54 AM »

Quote
Oh, but I've got something for ya...
http://www.dreamgates.de/imageoftheweek/1092471278.jpg
[snapback]2046[/snapback]

I love it! ... even though i am a HUGE OB fan
Logged

Darkon

  • Putting the band back together
  • Administrator
  • *
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 4.193
  • Fierce Creature
    • Hall of Worlds
Joke Thread
« Reply #41 on: August 16, 2004, 02:19:52 PM »

Quote
i am a HUGE OB fan

ROFL  :D  :lol: I need air.... :D Some people will know why this makes me laugh. :)  ;)
Logged
A nation is a group of people united by a mistaken view about the past and a hatred of their neighbours. - Karl Deutsch

Cenedra

  • Hall Visitor
  • ***
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1.135
Joke Thread
« Reply #42 on: August 21, 2004, 04:20:05 AM »

*promptly slams her head on her keyboard*

A friend sent me these music jokes the other day. They're not too bad :lol: Lots and lots of musical terms and concepts though, so not ones that most people would get easily (without classical musicianship training or otherwise). Looking at people like Ellia though to understand these :)

(I love the drummer ones :P Poor things, they get picked on so much)

http://www.mit.edu/people/jcb/jokes/
« Last Edit: August 21, 2004, 04:27:27 AM by Cenedra »
Logged

Darkon

  • Putting the band back together
  • Administrator
  • *
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 4.193
  • Fierce Creature
    • Hall of Worlds
Joke Thread
« Reply #43 on: August 21, 2004, 09:54:38 AM »

Well some were nice, others were quite stupid and different othrs were beyond my knowledge. I was sad cause I couldn't find the joke about  why the stradivarius violin was more expensive"", which I like, but after reading it I'm sorta glad I don't know how to play a musical instrument  :blink:
Logged
A nation is a group of people united by a mistaken view about the past and a hatred of their neighbours. - Karl Deutsch

Cenedra

  • Hall Visitor
  • ***
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1.135
Joke Thread
« Reply #44 on: August 21, 2004, 10:25:16 AM »

Yeah, some are stupid but most all of them have allusions to subtle things you only learn by being a musician or being around musicians... the jokes that sound really stupid, like the violinist not being able to put in the light bulb cause it 'was too high' refers to them sounding really horrible when they hit high notes. Well, a good violinist can reach them but especially ones only just learning go terribly out of tune... sharp in particular (We have a grade 3 violin ensemble in our primary school... very painful).
Logged

Poper

  • Dreamcrusher
  • Hall Visitor
  • ***
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 1.288
  • Ghost of Old
    • Yunor
Joke Thread
« Reply #45 on: August 23, 2004, 05:19:13 PM »

I found these. They are bad.

It purports to be a list of rejected "Barbie" products:

Trailer Park Barbie
Disgruntled Postal Employee Barbie
Prison Matron Barbie
Crop Circle Barbie
Urban Assault Barbie
Peg-Legged Barbie
Lord of the Flies Barbie
Angry Mattel Lawyer Barbie
Not Shavin' My Pits Barbie
Sumo Barbie
Vengeful Figure Skater Barbie
Will Work For Food Barbie
Elephant Poacher Barbie
Show-Us-Your-Plastic-Bumps Mardi Gras Barbie
John Doe #2 Barbie
Gastric Reflux Barbie
Ku Klux Ken
Alcoholic Clown Ken
Plumber's Crack Ken
Logged
I was here but now I'm gone.

(Except for when I randomly come back for 1.5 days every few years)

Angua

  • Hall Visitor
  • ***
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1.131
Joke Thread
« Reply #46 on: August 24, 2004, 01:30:51 PM »

Some apparent national favourites

ENGLAND: Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams: 'I slept with your mother!'
The bar falls quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells: 'I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!' The other says: 'Go home Dad, you're drunk.'

WALES: A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police officer came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened. The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied: 'I don't know, it all happened so fast.'

SCOTLAND: I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers.

USA: Two men are playing golf at their local club. One is about to chip to the green when he sees a funeral procession on the road next to the course.
He stops in mid-swing, takes off his cap, closes his eyes and bows in prayer. His friend says: 'Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.'  The man replies: 'Yeah, well, we were married 35 years.'

AUSTRALIA: A woman rushes to her doctor, looking worried and strung out. She says: 'Take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's wrong with me, doctor?'  The doctor looks her over, then calmly says: 'Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight.'

BELGIUM: Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stamp out fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks.
Logged
  Asinus asinum fricat. 

Ashen Shugar

  • Ruler of the eagles reaches
  • Hall Visitor
  • ***
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 1.116
Joke Thread
« Reply #47 on: August 24, 2004, 02:31:56 PM »

why weasels?
Logged
[sig removed by evil admin from hell - Syrion]

Angua

  • Hall Visitor
  • ***
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1.131
Joke Thread
« Reply #48 on: August 24, 2004, 04:53:33 PM »

Quote
why weasels?
[snapback]2426[/snapback]


Not sure, I guess it should have been British Bull Dogs, but then that's us eccentric Brits for ya!   B)   ;)
Logged
  Asinus asinum fricat. 

Ashen Shugar

  • Ruler of the eagles reaches
  • Hall Visitor
  • ***
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 1.116
Joke Thread
« Reply #49 on: August 24, 2004, 04:57:22 PM »

I would of just used people :P
Logged
[sig removed by evil admin from hell - Syrion]

Angua

  • Hall Visitor
  • ***
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1.131
Joke Thread
« Reply #50 on: August 24, 2004, 05:32:22 PM »

Quote
I would of just used people :P
[snapback]2438[/snapback]


How unlike a man :P

Logged
  Asinus asinum fricat. 

Ashen Shugar

  • Ruler of the eagles reaches
  • Hall Visitor
  • ***
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 1.116
Joke Thread
« Reply #51 on: August 24, 2004, 05:43:58 PM »

you calling me a woman? dems fightin' words!
Logged
[sig removed by evil admin from hell - Syrion]

Angua

  • Hall Visitor
  • ***
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1.131
Joke Thread
« Reply #52 on: August 24, 2004, 09:31:04 PM »

*Offers Ash some blusher and lipstick :P
Logged
  Asinus asinum fricat. 

Ashen Shugar

  • Ruler of the eagles reaches
  • Hall Visitor
  • ***
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 1.116
Joke Thread
« Reply #53 on: August 25, 2004, 05:50:09 PM »

Have they been tested on animals? because I won't use them unless they've been tested on animals first.
Logged
[sig removed by evil admin from hell - Syrion]

Angua

  • Hall Visitor
  • ***
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1.131
Joke Thread
« Reply #54 on: August 26, 2004, 11:17:22 AM »

Hmm, well i saw a very attractive stoat wearing this seasons colours of frosted pink so I guess so.
Logged
  Asinus asinum fricat. 

Ashen Shugar

  • Ruler of the eagles reaches
  • Hall Visitor
  • ***
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 1.116
Joke Thread
« Reply #55 on: August 26, 2004, 04:36:41 PM »

bah make up is just lie paint. it tricks us simple males into thinking your cheeks a rosier than they are and lips are softer and not to mention high heels and push up bras. Its not fair dagnammit!
Logged
[sig removed by evil admin from hell - Syrion]

Angua

  • Hall Visitor
  • ***
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1.131
Joke Thread
« Reply #56 on: August 26, 2004, 04:57:28 PM »

*Ang has a sneaking feeling it is pure envy on Ash's part and he simply wishes he were the owner of his very own push up bra :P
Logged
  Asinus asinum fricat. 

Ashen Shugar

  • Ruler of the eagles reaches
  • Hall Visitor
  • ***
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 1.116
Joke Thread
« Reply #57 on: August 26, 2004, 05:06:50 PM »

hmf, I have a perfect figure I dont need a stupid push up bra :P
Logged
[sig removed by evil admin from hell - Syrion]

Angua

  • Hall Visitor
  • ***
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1.131
Joke Thread
« Reply #58 on: August 26, 2004, 05:47:01 PM »

Quote
hmf, I have a perfect figure I dont need a stupid push up bra :P
[snapback]2488[/snapback]


Ash, you scare me :P


Joke
Answering Service At Mental Institute

"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5, and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until someone comes on the line.

If you are dyslexic, press 6969696969.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic-stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.

If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep, or before the beep, or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you."  
 
Logged
  Asinus asinum fricat. 

The Queen OF Class

  • Hall Stroller
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 2.000
    • Donator
Joke Thread
« Reply #59 on: August 29, 2004, 12:52:57 PM »

lmao, they are class Angua. :)
Logged
Pages: 1 2 [3] 4 5 ... 22   Go Up