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Author Topic: Small Issues  (Read 118359 times)

Bacchus

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Re: Small Issues
« Reply #2180 on: August 04, 2009, 12:04:26 AM »

just wrecked my bed. it wasn't even a sex related malfunction, which is too bad, because then i would at least have gotten some gratification out of it
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Great One

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Re: Small Issues
« Reply #2181 on: August 04, 2009, 12:06:57 AM »

How did you manage to break it then?
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Bacchus

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Re: Small Issues
« Reply #2182 on: August 04, 2009, 12:20:50 AM »

just sat down on it, and went straight trough it. it was an old bed, in fact it was my grandpa's, but still, it's not supposed to happen. just took apart the bed, and i'm now laying on a matrass on the floor. not at all pleased with that. screwing apart a bed at midnight it's not a good thing. also was kindof attachted to the bed. had some good moments on it
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"If nobody comes down here and buys a car in the next hour, I'm gonna club this baby seal. That's right! I'm gonna club this seal to make a better deal. You know I'll do it, too, cause I'm crazy."

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Bacchus

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Re: Small Issues
« Reply #2183 on: August 05, 2009, 10:14:55 AM »

speaking of beds. just red a newspaper item, that said that according to research of the University of Oxford, australian men are the worst husbands in the world. thought that was funny
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"If nobody comes down here and buys a car in the next hour, I'm gonna club this baby seal. That's right! I'm gonna club this seal to make a better deal. You know I'll do it, too, cause I'm crazy."

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Edhelur

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Re: Small Issues
« Reply #2184 on: August 05, 2009, 08:12:34 PM »

Link?

Plus, surely there's more to marriage than beds. :P
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Kikori

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Re: Small Issues
« Reply #2185 on: August 06, 2009, 06:44:28 AM »

Hahaha, I was under the impression that, once married, couples only use a bed for sleeping.

Aussie husbands are the worst in the world? Of course they'd say that. Bastards. I'm assuming it has something to do with us not wanting to do chores! Either that or our love of drinking.
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Edhelur

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Re: Small Issues
« Reply #2186 on: August 06, 2009, 04:16:30 PM »

"Put a penny in a jar at bedside for every time you have sex before marriage, or just during the engagement period... and take one out for every time after. If it's not empty in two years, your marriage is unlucky."

Seems to me "unlucky" might be the wrong word for it, but that's one housewives' tale I'd not discredit.
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"They had tried to reach their living fellows in fabled depths of blackness they had never seen - and what had they found? ... We looked and understood what must have triumphed and survived down there in the Cyclopean water city of that nighted, penguin-fringed abyss..."

Ellia

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Re: Small Issues
« Reply #2187 on: August 06, 2009, 08:32:58 PM »

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Great One

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Re: Small Issues
« Reply #2188 on: August 06, 2009, 11:21:37 PM »

Women, come this way. :lol:
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Bacchus

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Re: Small Issues
« Reply #2189 on: August 07, 2009, 04:56:01 PM »

i don't plan on getting married, so i'll end up with a shitload of pennies.

but yeah, the fact that aussies are the worst husbands in the world is also due to the fact they don't want to do chores

also because they can't perform in the bedroom
« Last Edit: August 07, 2009, 05:09:45 PM by Bacchus »
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"If nobody comes down here and buys a car in the next hour, I'm gonna club this baby seal. That's right! I'm gonna club this seal to make a better deal. You know I'll do it, too, cause I'm crazy."

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Re: Small Issues
« Reply #2190 on: August 07, 2009, 05:26:36 PM »

it has something to do with being under "equiped" Baz
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Bacchus

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Re: Small Issues
« Reply #2191 on: August 07, 2009, 11:13:32 PM »

we can only assume it is...

was pretty bummed that i found out some weeks ago that my fav hairwax was taken of the market. luckily i happend to find one last jar in some sellout box in the store. already found a decent replacement wax though, but it'll never be the same
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"If nobody comes down here and buys a car in the next hour, I'm gonna club this baby seal. That's right! I'm gonna club this seal to make a better deal. You know I'll do it, too, cause I'm crazy."

- Crazy Ernie

Kikori

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Re: Small Issues
« Reply #2192 on: August 10, 2009, 03:35:21 AM »

Eh, that survey is a lie. I do chores. I live with two chicks and I def' do more housework than they do. And i certainly have never had any complaints about my "endowment" or "equipment", if you will. Though i like to attribute that to being black. a hah, a hah, a haaaaaaaaa.
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"How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?" - Who else? - Homer J.

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Bacchus

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Re: Small Issues
« Reply #2193 on: August 10, 2009, 04:59:10 PM »

that's not what the sruvey says kiks. they explicitly mention "small penises"
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"If nobody comes down here and buys a car in the next hour, I'm gonna club this baby seal. That's right! I'm gonna club this seal to make a better deal. You know I'll do it, too, cause I'm crazy."

- Crazy Ernie

Edhelur

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Re: Small Issues
« Reply #2194 on: August 10, 2009, 05:35:08 PM »

stupid f**king lawnmower won't start... *scowls at the damn thing*
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James

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Re: Small Issues
« Reply #2195 on: August 13, 2009, 12:52:36 PM »

I just had the weirdest f**king dream:

Everything started out pretty normal, if a bit skewed. I had showed up at work for second shift, the night shift, and it was already dark, but that may well be because I was already there for a while. At some point I step outside for a break. Things are still pretty normal. I am standing outside alone, we have no customers and my coworkers are inside. Then things go slightly odd.

I watch as a slow-moving streak of light, moves diagonally to impact off in the woods some miles away. Perhaps a meteorite, I thought and shrugged. Then things started flowing up out of it, it was no regular explosion, indeed there was only a slight one from the impact. These were like clouds of pixels floating up into the air and off into the night. I know what I am thinking, OK, now that was a bit off. Had things ended there I could just strike it off to being odd. They did not.

A coworker comes out after it has all finished and I go to tell her about it, but then I see another coming so I just point it out to her. We watch as it slants off into the forest and impacts, but that is as far as that goes, because something different is approaching. You can hear it first, the sound of festive music that is not quite right. Then they appear and the music is all the louder, much more clear. Floats, parade floats, except they are all worn and damaged and rotting. In the background is Christmas music, except it is high-pitched and sped up. I, the person in my dream, watches this parade with an odd fascination. This is weird, but it is wholly different. My coworker does the same, not quite sure what to do. I, as a watcher in this dream, view it with that same sort of odd fascination, but there is that sense of dread as well. And still, there is more to come.

Customers start to pull up, my coworker and I are still watching. Some stop and watch with us, but more go into the store to get what they want. More lights come flying through the sky, each one arcing down towards the forest some miles off. There are no close impacts and I am thankful for that. Now lights are spinning off in all directions and they are not weird ones either. There are green stars pinwheeling across the sky as if they were a special form of fireworks. Indeed, that is why the customers have stopped, they think someone has unleashed some sort of fireworks show. There are little blooms of light in the air, the sort you'd see in a fireworks show, but there are others, too. Long red lines of furry light arc upwards, the stars continue to roll off into the night, though in different colors, and other lights spiral around in awe-inspiriting patterns. Over all this the music still plays.

Then there is a another, but this one is different. This is not wholly light, it peters out before it ever hits the ground. It does not take us long to figure out why as something comes flying through the sky, red lasers firing at nothing. "My God, that's a spaceship," someone mutters and we all watch with our mouths agape. This, this is harmless, it is not really close to us and is not firing at us.

More come. Some close enough to tell what they look like. They are brownish, perhaps a tan color, and they are shaped like an elongated box. They are fast and agile, as we watch one change direction by a simple, quick, and acute somersault before turning and firing in our direction. Laser strikes hit the ground and the front of the store. Most of the customers who were standing with us there start rushing inside. My coworker quickly follows. I, for whatever reason, have remained there to watch. I am, after all, a smaller target than the group. Or so I can only reason.

There are more lights rushing across the sky, the ghastly parade is still moving slowly along playing its disturbing music, and the ships still fly, but now things are changing. A bright light flashes with a bit of a boom around the side of the store. We look on, waiting to see what this new thing is, but instead we see luminous yellow-brown gas boiling up and spreading outward. Those customers head into the store as quick as possible and I reluctantly follow.

There is chaos inside. I look towards the beer and there is someone in the arms of a coworker, hanging from the cooler appears to be some sort of monster. It is brown and large, reminiscent to The Bug from Men In Black, and it is dead. I can only assume someone killed it. "Shh, shh, it's OK, it is dead," I can hear my coworker saying over and over again as she holds the man, rocking him back and forth. No, everything is not OK, the me in my dream knows this. In fact, it is far from OK.

I lock the doors to the store. "Alright, everyone, into the cooler!" I yell. The cooler being shielded from view from the outside and easy enough to escape if in a jam. It is, I reason, far better than standing around in plain sight or running outside. Some brave soul makes The Bug disappear. I open the cooler and the front portion is about chest high filled with empty boxes. This is, in fact, impossible unless we bring in more boxes from outside the store, but hey, the oddness is rampant. I am annoyed by this, but we haven't the time to move them. It will slow our movement to the other side, but it will also slow the movement of anything that seeks to get at us. Perhaps then, this is a boon in disguise.

The dream ends with us all in the back of the cooler. I watch the store through one of the glass doors and there is something, someone there. I can remember only an odd cigarette that appears to have a panther claw separating the filter and grasping the cigarette proper. That and a pair of eyes as they stare back at me.

End Dream.
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Great One

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Re: Small Issues
« Reply #2196 on: August 13, 2009, 05:35:55 PM »

I love dreams. Indeed, if my own were stronger and more memorable, I'd probably spend most of my time sleeping. :lol: Instead, it is a rare occasion when I can actually recall what I just dreamed of.

We need a dreams thread. Dreams are cool. I think we had one once...
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Great One

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Re: Small Issues
« Reply #2197 on: August 23, 2009, 04:20:15 AM »

Mod Note: Should we do away with some of these threads, since they've been going for so long (110 pages, int his case), and then have a redux? And from the ashes...etc, etc.

I know we used to do this, regularly, but the board runs smoothly enough that there it doesn't encounter any issues. Anyway. What dya think? Re-do, or not? I think it in a way, it'd be nice, considering how old some of the threads now are.
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coeshaw

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Re: Small Issues
« Reply #2198 on: August 23, 2009, 12:35:38 PM »

I think the old rule was once it hits 100 pages it would be a closed and a new topic is opened in its place.
Looking down the list its only this one and the happy list which have gone over 100 pages, it would probably make things a little cleaner to start new topics for these two topics?

Check out this website if you have not seen it yet > http://producten.hema.nl/, give it 30 secs to start.
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