Shifty and Ryath's House Of Wit n' Wisdom

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Author Topic: Shifty and Ryath's House Of Wit n' Wisdom  (Read 23226 times)

Ryath

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« on: September 30, 2004, 04:55:06 AM »

BEHOLD! THE DAWNING OF A NEW ERA!  AN AGE OF ENLIGHTENMENT!





Ask and ye probably shan't receive, but we may spill our precious pearls of wisdom to you, the plebeians, if the mood does take us.

Our philosophies, quotes and observences are guaranteed* to enhance your life.











[span style=\'font-family:Times\'][span style=\'font-size:8pt;line-height:100%\']*not guaranteed
[/span][/span]

Ashen Shugar

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« Reply #1 on: September 30, 2004, 06:33:26 AM »

How many fingers am I holding up?
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Ryath

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« Reply #2 on: September 30, 2004, 06:57:02 AM »


Eleventeen. Very nice.

According to Chadian mythology (The only mythology I adhere to in this day and age), displaying the eleventeenth finger can mean several things, depending on the way the digits are displayed, and in what region of country-soon-to-be-Empire.  A thrilling display of foreign knowledge, Ashen Shugar.  I return your salute, which in this case means, "I worship you, Great One", with a similar pattern, which, in this situation might translate as "Kettlefish."

Unfortunately, as I can mystically see the number of fingers you display, I can also mystically smell the state of your undergarments.  What died in your pants?

Ashen Shugar

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« Reply #3 on: September 30, 2004, 07:01:21 AM »

*ash looks down his pants*

"Ryath get out of there!"
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Ryath

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« Reply #4 on: September 30, 2004, 07:05:28 AM »



....Busted!


*runs away*

sabre

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« Reply #5 on: September 30, 2004, 09:42:51 PM »

Two questions, oh wise ones, One, where is Zen and why did he run away? Two, if a tree falls in a forest and no one hears it, does anybody care about the poor little squrrel that got squooshed by it?
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[span style=\'color:red\']The more I deal with the human race, the better I like my dogs.[/span]

It's an act of God!  No, it's an act of Elvis!!!

Shifty

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« Reply #6 on: September 30, 2004, 10:05:44 PM »

Zen was dispatched to the store to get more skim milk. We are running low on skim milk.

And to answer this second of two questions, I will have to consult my farmers alminac 1974.

*shuffles pages*

The answer seems to be 38cm's annually. Wait a second, wrong page...aaah here we go. The answer is elegant in its simplicity : No.

Or was it yes? I can't read this book anymore. Its hurting my eyes! BAAAAAAAH!!!!!

Ryath

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« Reply #7 on: October 01, 2004, 12:27:57 AM »

sabre,

Of course, the tale of Zen is a metaphorical one.  He was sent for METAPHORICAL skim milk. *smirks knowingly and pyramids her fingers* It's all symbolic...mystical..mystical..symbolicism...it is an age old paradox that is still slighty beyond Shifty and I, and therefore well beyond you, naturally.  But when you've almost transcended mortal being like we ha...

For the love of GOD Shifty, were you READING again?  Why must you put yourself on PARADE like that?  :threaten:


Milamber

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« Reply #8 on: October 01, 2004, 02:41:23 AM »

If a barn catches fire, why do horses run INTO it?
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Shifty

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« Reply #9 on: October 01, 2004, 03:28:10 AM »

Horses, like all domesticated hooved animals instinctively run towards a source of heat, thinking it is in fact a pile of comfortable blankets.

Once they reach the burning barn, the smoke causes them to hallucinate until they all believe that they are not in a burning barn. They then line up, grab the tail ahead of them, and do a syncronized soft-shoe dance routine until the barn roof collapses, killing them instantly.

Ryath

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« Reply #10 on: October 01, 2004, 03:43:12 AM »

*nods at Shifty*

I personally believe it's Gods way of ridding the world of softshoe dancing.

Milamber

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« Reply #11 on: October 01, 2004, 04:58:23 AM »

Ohhh, that's why...at least they die happy :(

Where would we be without rhetorical questions?
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Ryath

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« Reply #12 on: October 01, 2004, 05:33:46 AM »

Quote
Where would we be without rhetorical questions?
[snapback]7217[/snapback]

I'm...not going to answer that.

Thant

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« Reply #13 on: October 01, 2004, 09:56:48 PM »

"Is it a good decicion to start a sportschool/fitnessclub/trainingcamp here, and how much should I charge potential members?"

 :scout:

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Life sucks, buy a helmet.

Ryath

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« Reply #14 on: October 01, 2004, 10:38:40 PM »


Ahh!  A question relating to money.  I like this.

First of all, Shifty and I have found that, if you use the right techniques, it is possible to make profit beyond your wildest dreams, no matter what the business venture...without even "technically" charging your members!  Even better, you can...mislead is not the right word...your clients into believing they are recieving your services for free!

For instance, when Shifty and I wanted to..say...own a country...we developed a technique that many referred to as "Mass Brainwashing."  We preferred to call it "Agressive Suggestion."  By the end of our program, the citizens of Chad worshipped us as Gods!  What a hoot that was.

However, in your particular situation, I believe we could scale down plans.  I like the idea of a "Training Camp" best, because the title is vague, and paramilitary sounding.  Taking away the rights of your clients by having them sign a contract that effectively retracts their civillian status is a PLUS!

I've always liked the idea of protection money.  But, many first timers are nervous when it comes to addressing their first vict...clients.  I suggest starting out nice and easy.

"It's pretty dark out here, and there's nobody else about.  It's probably a good idea if you give me your money to hold on to.  You know...for protection."

This is especially effective if followed by some sort of reassuring gesture, such as pounding your first into your hand.

Don't worry, by the time you're finished, all you'll have to do is glance in their direction, and they'll be turning out their pockets for their last bits of change!  People are always happy to please!

The great thing about this plan is that it involves a minimal upstart...heck, all you need is an enclosed space (Privacy and Seclusion is ESSENTIAL) and a sign. (Perhaps a few "Instruments of Incentive" too, but that's for another day, hoohoo!")

I hope this helps.

Milamber

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« Reply #15 on: October 02, 2004, 01:39:51 AM »

How do I delete

Cenedra - Yeah, wrong thread :)
« Last Edit: October 03, 2004, 12:30:42 PM by Milamber »
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Cenedra

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« Reply #16 on: October 02, 2004, 04:09:57 AM »

I think you got the wrong thread Milamber. Unless, of course, that picture has some deep philosophical meaning that you wish to add to the discussion :tongue:

As for my question... why did my dog have eight female puppies and no male??
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Ryath

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« Reply #17 on: October 02, 2004, 04:01:15 PM »


Cenedra -

The picture may look misplaced, but I believe it to be a cleverly inserted piece of homoerotic art.   We know that when men go to war, its just one big man-orgy, right?  There's a saying: "In war, either kill or be killed...by sex."

As evidence, witness the screenshot again:  Notice the eloquent speech as given by "Lobstah Shrimp."

If that were not enough, a character, Willow Rosenberg, the openly gay character on Buffy, is playing the game, as well.  Her name has a telltale "rgb" tacked at the end, which can only stand for "red, green, blue", 3 colours in the rainbow flag.

Finally, I point you to the subtle Wheel of Time Spoiler in which the main character allies his forces with beings from another planet. (See glowing green letters in screen shot)

Put it all together and its rather obvious it belongs here, don't you think?

Now....what was your question again?

Ahh yes.  Your dog and her female puppies.  Again, there is one obvious answer...your dog is an Amazon purebred. There are two other less obvious, yet just as legitamate answers though:
1. Your dog had sex with another female dog therefore having only female puppies. Hello, DNA, duh!
2. The worshipping of stone effigies.

I hope this helps.

dreeken

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« Reply #18 on: October 03, 2004, 11:45:26 AM »

Ryath will you marry me  :devil:
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Milamber

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« Reply #19 on: October 03, 2004, 12:32:41 PM »

How could one so great as myself confuse topics with eachother?
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